Find Your Voice.

Find your voice. 

Today God keeps pressing on me to find your voice. As someone did worship painting today at church, I kept wondering what is she painting? 

Near the end I see a lion. A beautiful, majestic, colorful lion. The more worship went on the more God kept pressing to find your voice. Then the worship team starts singing a song, louder and louder:

“It is finished, it is done 

The blood of the lion has overcome”

I’m like yesssss! Go Jesus! Let that roar out!

Then the pastor starts preaching. First scripture he goes to is 1 Peter 5:8. 

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

Devil prowls around like a roaring lion. 

Hold up. 

Jesus just told me I’m roaring like a lion. Like His blood has overcome. 

But the enemy is a lion too?

Now I’m confused. 

And God says again “find your voice”. 

So I’m sitting in service praying on it and God finally reveals it. 

Find your voice. 

Sometimes you think you’ve found it. Sometimes you think you’re doing right. But maybe it’s the enemy in disguise. So while you’re going around roaring what you think is good, you’re really the enemy on his prowl. 

So today I encourage you to stop. Think on what you’re about to say. What advice are you about to give? 

Sometimes the loudest roar is a whispering prayer. 

Find your voice. 

Prayer changes everything.  Start roaring. The good way. Start speaking GOOD over people. Start speaking positive over people. Start proclaiming God’s name in the grocery store! 

Burst into worship on a subway. 

Read your Bible in the park. 

Take your friends to church. 

Find your voice. 

Now let me add this disclaimer. I’m not saying you’re intentionally trying to hurt someone. Sometimes you might think you’re helping or it’s your place. But God is telling you to find your voice and choose your roar.

The Bible says you must die to yourself. It also talks about picking up your cross daily. So each day you have to make the choice. That’s the thing about God. It’s not forced. It’s not half-toos. It’s a choice. A choice you make of how each day will go. Of what roar you’ll have. 

Walking in the gas station and letting the door slam behind you on someone is a loud roar. 

A lady in the grocery store drops something carrying her baby and you pick it up is a loud roar. 

Find your voice. 

Is Daddy Coming to Get Me?

Last week I went to pick up the little girl I watch and just like every week she asked me the same question: 

Is mommy coming to get me? 

Now this question usually aggravates me because she feels the need to ask it every single day multiple times a day. And I always respond with the same thing: 

Where is mommy and daddy? At work. 
OK! Does mommy and daddy come and get you every day? Yes. 
Have they ever forgotten you? No. 
Ok. Then they’ll be here soon. 

And then she gets this big grin on her face. 

Same. Routine. Daily. Lol. 

But last week was different. As I went through the same responses I almost heard audibly God laughing in my ear. Laughing AT me!

He said “Dear child, but how different are you?”

And just like anybody getting called out, I got embarrassed and defensive. 

How many times do I feel distant from God. 

I ask where are you? 

Why don’t you love me? 

Why don’t you answer my prayers anymore? 

And again and again he says “I have never left you. I never have forgotten you. I am coming for you”. 

Talk about a tear jerker. 

God loves me. He’s never left nor forgotten me. Me! He loves ME! How can I not get this huge grin on my face? How Can I not get excited. My daddy is coming to get me. 

“The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth.” Psalm 145:18

GET EXCITED!!! Come on. Quit sitting there. Quit asking where He is. Open your eyes!!! HE IS HERE!!!! God is here!! Hallelujah!! 

Joy vs Depression

Today as I drove home, I found myself smiling with the radio all the way up. I was smiling. For no reason. I just had joy in my heart. And I have missed that joy for awhile now.

Let's back up here for a minute. What is JOY to me?

Joy is looking at all my clothes washed and put away
Joy is sending home the last kid of the day (haha)
Joy is watching my husband sleep
Joy is spending time with all of my sisters
Joy is waking up early to join together to worship at church
Joy is sitting down and just talking with friends
Joy is resting
Joy is peace
Joy is love
Joy is feeling happy
Joy is positive
Joy is found in Jesus


And I had lost this thing Joy. It became a thing of the past, I thing I longed to have again. I talked about it. I wished for it. I pretended to have it.

The void was still there.
You see, our world is good at trying to fill a void. Such as:

A daughter that has an absentee father and tries to find her worth in other men

A man that feels lonely and tries to fill a void with multiple women

A child that feels alone at school who tries to fill a void by bullying others

Lace to face interaction and more electronically speaking

A family begins to break apart so the child acts out for attention

People have extra time so their lives are consumed with TVs

A boy feels empty inside so he eats himself away

A girl feels ugly so she tries to fill a void with make up

While we try to fill this void, it never actually works. We are usually left feeling more alone and broken then we were before.

I want you to know I use 'we' very seriously. I struggle with always trying to fill voids in my life.

Just recently when I lost my Joy, I went down a very dark path. I've mentioned it a few times before, but basically it wasn't pretty. I became a selfish, broken, hatred filled person. And I became depressed, as many witnessed. Depression is a funny thing. Growing up I felt like every other girl "Suffered" from depression. I saw it as a crutch. The more I got older and the more I witnessed depression first hand, I realized just how serious it is. 

Depression can drag a person down real fast. It has a way of taking you from a high point to your lowest in a matter of minutes. All it takes is one person to say the wrong thing, a memory from your past, a song on the radio. Depression is usually hard to pinpoint a trigger. So I became a victim of it. It consumed me. My life. My marriage. My job. My church. My self worth. Everything. 

It got to a point where I dreaded the nights I knew Mac had to leave for work. I knew it was 24 hours I was going to have to spend alone. I knew those nights would be long. And depression would welcome me like an old friend. I became scared inside to stay alone. I would begin inviting someone to stay with me every third night. I didn't plan on ever being alone again. 

And that quickly bit me in the butt. I needed a break from people. I backed off and invited people over less and less. I wanted to have peace. And just like that I was gone. I really can't tell you how depression grabbed a hold of me, but it had found a way. 

A few weeks ago I was alone for nearly 3 days (besides the children I watched during the day). I completely lost it. And I had no intent to. I got one of those very random itches to just clean everything late one night. It was probably midnight or so and out of no where I found myself weeping on the floor. I couldn't stop, I tried. I hurt. I was angry. I didn't understand why I went through what I was going through. I didn't know why it was so darn hard to just fall asleep in my bed alone. I've done it for nearly 20 years (granted I always had family in other rooms).

I can picture it now. I was on my knees grabbing at the floor angry. I was asking why over and over. I looked up and kept asking why. And then it hit me. I was talking to God. It had been so long since I had done that. So I kept going. I prayed and I prayed. For what felt like ages. It was like running into an old high school friend in Walmart. You try to catch up and realize you've been there for 2 hours. I caught up with God. I knew He knew all, but it felt good getting it off my chest. 

This is the big part, I confronted the depression. I asked God to remove this darkness from me. That I now can see that depression isn't some powerful, almighty monster that can steal me away at any moment. It was just another chopping tool satan was trying to use. I WAS FED UP. The darkness fled and I was filled with God's Spirit. I didn't need any worldly thing to fill me, I knew what I needed. 

And just like that, I found my Joy.

So as today makes almost 3 days without seeing my husband, yet I have Joy. I am not alone. I have friends and family that love me. But most of all-I have an Almighty Savior who has got my back. He comforts me in the light and leads me through the dark. I am not alone. 

It really hit me this afternoon just how blessed I am. I am telling you guys, I couldn't take the smile off my face! People near me probably thought I was crazy smiling one minute and bursting into song the next. I was truly happy.

It all began that one night. After being filled with God, I began praying. Randomly in the shower, when I was pulling my hair out with kids, fighting with Mac, stressing out-I just completely surrounded myself in prayer. And it feels good!!! God began to talk to me. Show me His plans. Guide me. I was whole again.

So to sum up this random, out of the blue, extremely long post:

Depression is just a tool Satan uses to steal, kill, and destroy. You choose whether it consumes you.

Joy only can be brought to you by God. It is a blessing you choose to accept.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

He's Human-say what?

https://youtu.be/C-SkrDf55fM {----- Clayton's Newest Video I refer to in post below

"Don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.”
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." ~James 4:4-10



I see articles claiming the “Almighty Clayton Jennings” has lost his license to preach. And inside I felt it to be true. To be good. So I investigate into this more. Only to discover this video he himself has released. So I decided to watch it. To see what hogwash he was going to spew now.
The mood was set with Tony Nolan’s opening. The music, the soft light. All the right settings to make you feel less anger. Yeah, I judged. I WAY judged.
But I kept listening.
Kept watching.
And then tears began falling.
 B U T     G O D
This man, once full of himself, his image, what these “fans” thought of him—was standing before MILLIONS of people confessing his sins. Admitting he was wrong. Admitting that some of what was rumored was true. Do you understand that?
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.
I still struggle to share with my husband my daily struggles, much less millions of people. I don’t like to admit when I am wrong, much less when I am sinning. Even now I can’t begin to type out my sins. My daily struggles. But he did. He laid them all out for you. Even after recently getting married to a Godly woman, his past haunts him. But the best part of it all, God IS the best of them all. When he said sin washed white as snow—he meant it. He didn’t meant white like I wash clothes (a little spotty, probably ruined with a red sock) no He meant WHITE. Clear. Fresh. Done. It Is Finished. That’s what Jesus did. For you. For me. And even for Clayton.

And all God kept showing me during the video is Paul. Oh, sweet Paul. If you don’t know the story, read the full story in Acts 1. A short summary is that Saul was a king who killed anyone that believed in Jesus. He literally killed christians. And guess what? God still loved him. Still used him. He became Paul, a mighty man of God. Used for His Glory. His sins were forgiven. Literally killing people who worshipped God almighty and God still chose to see worth in him.
Just like he looks at Clayton and says “My beloved”. He sees the worth of this man. He sees his boldness. His determination. His love for the Lord. And chooses to love him even more.


So do I think Clayton was full of himself? Yeah I do.
Do I think he’s forgiven? Absolutely.

I challenge you reading this, to stop and pray. Because isn’t that what I should have been doing when I judged him so harshly? I’ve personally met him a few times and simply wasn’t a fan. His spoken words were epic, but his personality I wasn’t a “fan” of. But does that give me any right to judge—to sin? Nah. But I still did. And even through my judgement God saw His son. He saw Hope. He saw a Light.
So pray. Pray for this extremely hard journey Clayton is on. Pray for me, Lord knows I need it. But also pray for you. Don’t always feed into what the media gives ya. Take the time to step back and see it for what it is. Try and see what God is doing.

So before you cast that stone, take a minute and see him for who he is-man, flesh, and just like us—just with a whole lot more eyes judging his every move.



"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9



So in the words of God through Clayton:

JESUS IS:

He’s more than you could ever need
He’s more than the eye could see
I don’t deserve His love, but He’s always been there for me
You see, Jesus met me when I was at my lowest
And if you don’t know Jesus, know this:
He’s the greatest example of generosity this world of greed has ever seen
And when Jesus hit the scene, He changed the scenery
And met diversity with serenity
If you’re looking for peace, He offers plenty
Jesus was, and Jesus will forever be King
And when the Angels sing, they sing of the grace that was displayed for sinners like me
I can’t explain Him, and I can’t describe Him
Because if I could He wouldn’t be Jesus
Because you can’t explain eternity and you can’t comprehend the galaxies
But it was the loving hands of Jesus, who spun them into existence
And created man, knowing He would go to the cross to pay our sentence
There was a certificate of judgement with a period after the sentence
And we were sentenced to death long before He said, “It is finished”
He’s a father to the orphan, a shelter for the homeless
A hiding place for the abused and an anchor for our storms
He stormed the gates of hell and came out on top
And the power of His gospel cannot be stopped
Even when the world tries…and they try a lot
He trade places with Barabbas and became a catalyst
Of missions across the world covering every portion of the atlas
If you’re in need of rest, I know of a mattress
If you don’t know Jesus, your future is tragic
But He’d gladly embrace tragedy so we could live in His presence of majesty
His presence is presents
And it’s His presence that presents preciousness to a world of peasants
He’s far from pretentious, but still loves those who are
He’s a light of the world that hung on the stars
He brings the dead to life, but delivers life to the dead
He took a crown of thorns on His head
So we can put crowns at His feet
And I can’t wait until the day I get to kiss His feet that were nailed to the cross for me, and for you, and for every other person around the world
He loves the world and I love His word
Because His word became flesh
And in His flesh, He demonstrated the word to the world
He’s an example to every boy and every girl
He’s a lover of black people; He’s a lover of white people
He’s a lover of the un-churched and the assembly under the steeple
He doesn’t see the believer’s failures; but still takes time to celebrate their faithfulness
It’s His spirit that enables us
And gives us boldness, even when the world labels us
And if you wanna label me
Please call me a “Jesus Freak”
If that freaks you out, good
Because it’s better to be good with God
Than to fight being misunderstood
By a world that could never understand
So let it be understood that I don’t worship man
I worship Jesus
And although He doesn’t need us
He still sees us, and pleads with us
To run to the cross where He bled for us
His heart bleeds for us; His heart grieves for us
But still graciously grants us a pardon for our treason in a season where the world tries to explain away the work of the spirit with human reasoning
And here’s the reason why they can’t:
Because His spirit is like the wind, and the wind cannot be seen
But loved is he who believes without seeing the unseen
I’m telling you, Jesus is something
He’s something more; He’s something great
And if you wanna know Him, you don’t have to wait
He stands at the narrow path with a key to the gate
And all you have to do is reach out and embrace His grace
I don’t care who is president, I have a King who is always present
I don’t care who hosts musicals, celebrities; the voice of the Lord will always be the sweetest melody
I don’t care who owns the riches of the globe; my Jesus has more wealth with more ruby on His robe
I don’t care who’s the strongest or the fastest; nothing matches the creator of the universe and His immortal, infinite status
I don’t care about religious leaders who died and stay dead
I worship the One who conquered death, and wears a crown on His head
His name is Jesus, and I’m telling you He’s something
He was faithful yesterday, He’s faithful today
I can feel His presence whenever I pray
And when the time comes for me to fade away
I would remember the day I heard Him say,
“My name is Jesus.”

Confidence

Confidence
A funny thing. Can be brought on or tore down in the blink of an eye.
I always felt confidence came easy for me. I wasn't a shy person. I was okay with my body and who I was.
But then I became an adult. I gained weight. I became self conscious. I quit taking full body pics. I used filters. I hid who I was becoming behind baggy shirts and leggings.
My appearance wasn't the only thing to change. My confidence did. My attitude did. My thoughts did. My feelings did. Who I was began to change. I was sad. I was hurt. I was fat. And I was drowning in life overall.
All because of confidence that I lacked.
People began to comment on my weight. The way I wore my clothes. How I acted and so much more. And it began to break me. Every comment that was made would stick with me. Stick on me. I started to wear their words and carry the burden those words held. I became depressed. Upset. I began to distance myself from friends and activities I attended. I became angry. I started fights.
All because my confidence dropped.
I lost who I was.
But despite the dark clouds
Somehow
God still saw me
He saw my worth
He saw my pain
And He still reached out for me
He b egan to open my eyes. These people weren't the evil ones. I know who my Enemy is. And he has no place in my life. I am a child of God!
So I began to pray for the people that said stuff. I wanted to push through. But somehow every step forward I was shoved back on my butt many steps behind. I wanted to give up. Give it all up. I wanted to quit. Never go back to church. Quit my job. Not talk to people. I wanted to be alone. Even when it came to Mac. I began to distance myself from him. The one who lifted me up and made me smile. The one who told me I was beautiful and that he loved me. Even the positive I began to distance myself. And our wedding was quickly approaching and I just wasn't feeling it. How can I feel happy on our wedding day if I didn't feel beautiful?
Then this past Sunday someone was telling a story and the words "give her to her father" came out. And tears flooded my eyes. Give her to her Father.
And then I knew. I knew.
Confidence.
It's a funny thing. But it's not complicated. Confidence comes from us knowing who we are. Whose we are.

I am a child of God. (John 1:12)


I am the salt of the earth. (Matthew 5:13)

I am the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14)


I am commissioned to make disciples. (Matthew 28:19,20)


I am part of the true vine, a channel of Christ’s life. (John 15:1,5)
I am clean. (John 15:3)
I am Christ’s friend. (John 15:15)
I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit. (John 15:16)

I am a slave of righteousness. (Romans 6:18)
I am free from sin and enslaved to God. (Romans 6:22)
I am free forever from condemnation. (Romans 8:1)
I am a son of God; God is spiritually my Father. (Romans 8:14, 15 Galatians 3:26; 4:6)
I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him (Romans 8:17)
I am more than a conqueror through Christ, who loves me. (Romans 8:37)
I am a temple...a dwelling place...of God. His Spirit and His life dwell in me. (1 Corinthians 3:16; 6:19)
I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him. (1 Corinthians 6:17)
 I am bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God. (1 Corinthians 6:19,20; 7:23)
I am called. (1 Corinthians 7:17)
I am a member of Christ’s Body. (1 Corinthians 12:27; Ephesians 5:30)
I am victorious through Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57)
I am led by God in triumphal procession. (2 Corinthians 2:14)
I am to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. (2 Corinthians 2:15)
I am being changed into the likeness of Christ. (2 Corinthians 3:18 
I am a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:18,19)
I am given strength in exchange for weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:10)
I am a son of God and one in Christ. (Galatians 3:26, 28)
I am Abraham’s seed...an heir of the promise. (Galatians 3:29)
I am an heir of God since I am a son of God. (Galatians 4:6,7)
I am a saint. (Ephesians 1:1; ! Corinthians 1:2; Philippians 1:1; Colossians 1:2)
I am without blame before Him. (Ephesians 1:4)
I am a fellow citizen with the rest of God’s family. (Ephesians 2:19)
I am righteous and holy. (Ephesians 2:24)
I am a citizen of heaven, seated in heaven right now. (Philippians 3:20 Ephesians 2:6)
I am capable. (Philippians 4:13)
I have been rescued from the domain of Satan’s rule and transferred to the kingdom of Christ. (Colossians 1:13)
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. The debt against me has been cancelled. (Colossians 1:14)


These are all statements of who I am. Not the words spoken of Satan. 

Verses:

Hebrews 10:35-36
"Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised."

Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Psalm 27:3
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident

Mommy Always Answers...

And He said "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:3

We’ve all seen the scripture.

We’ve all heard the examples.

-But-

When YOU hear the phrase “Childlike Faith”, what comes to mind?

Automatically a little baby angel pops into my mind. 

Kind of like this….Comical right?

I am just not sure that’s what Jesus meant when He told us to come to him with that sort of faith.

You know I love story telling, so here’s a snippet from last weekend.

My aunt had to leave church to run down the street real quick. I called her phone with a question and we discovered she had left it at church as she ran out the door.

Her three year old walks up to me asking to play on mommy’s phone. I handed it to her not thinking. A couple minutes later she comes up to me smiling. I said what are you up to? She was facetiming her mother.

From her mother’s phone…

Facetiming her mother…..

From her mother’s phone…..

Are you following this? 

I started cracking up. 

YOU try explaining to a 3 year old that her mother couldn’t answer because she had her mother’s phone!

Every time I explained it, her response was “But Mommy always answers”

Now to me, this was just a funny scenario, but to her-she was dead serious.

Mommy always answers.

Always answers.

ALWAYS.

That’s when God showed me the beauty behind it.

“Daddy always answers.” 

That’s childlike faith.

The expectation that Daddy will always be there.

So childlike faith isn’t just the idea of being a child entering Heaven on some fluffy cloud.

It’s the fearless, unwavering faith and trust that Daddy always answers…

Accidents DON'T Happen

About a month ago my 9 year old sister exclaims "when I have a baby with my husband or boyfriend..." I quickly stop her. "No boyfriend. You only have babies with Husbands". Her response? My NINE year old sisters response? "Accidents happen".

She doesn't even know the process to get pregnant!!! 

But this corrupted world has taught her "accidents happen".  

Now, I'm not old fashioned or anything, but there's still values I hold in this world. And that's one of them. 

I begin to question where did we go wrong? Was it the tv shows she watched? Songs she listened to? Or could it possibly be the role models and people she looks up to surrounding her? Regardless where this jaded idea of who having a child with came from, we can all admit it's wrong. 

The Bible says "Train up a child in the way [s]he should go; even when [s]he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

It starts when they're young. Little kids watch and hear everything you say. You must walk in a way that Jesus just radiates off of you. 

"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps." 1 Peter 2:21

If each of us are walking in His steps, than the little kids who watch us should have a great example of how to live. This includes your children, siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, church members, or even strangers in the grocery store. A child is always watching you. Listening to your conversations. Watching your reactions to situations. 

This relates to many things. The words that come out of your mouth (cursing, etc). Your reaction to rude people in public. Your physical actions in public. Kids repeat it all. 

So I challenge you today-start being aware. Start walking in the light of Jesus so that all of the kids around us are "trained up in the way [s]he should go". 

Let's admit it, kids are the next generation. The IT generation. If we don't teach them the right way, our future can only get worse.