If you know me, you know I have to always have things figured out. I don't like the unknown. Never have. When I was little, I always needed to know where we were going, what our weekend would look like...by like Tuesday lol, and just needed everything planned. I hated the unsure. I couldn't stand impulsive and rash decisions. If it wasn't premeditated, I wanted no part in it. Yes, I was that kid.
Now here I am, 18 years of age, and graduating this Friday. As of last Friday, I had it all figured out. My plan was to go to Clayton State University (I was even accepted!) for around a year to major in Film. Then after a year, I wanted to transfer to The Art Institute of Atlanta to one day become a Film Editor. I even spent my last year of high school doing dual enrolled college classes. I had it planned. I had the ends and out all worked out. I had no stone unturned.
I did it all.
But God had a different plan.
Doesn't He always? It's like this: Picture a toddler just learning to walk. The child sees their favorite toy and takes off after it. The parents sees all the dangerous objects in between the child and the toy. The parent then takes the child by the hand and redirects them. The child is torn and upset. All they wanted was their toy. That's all they could see from their angle. The parent wanted what was best for their child and could see the dangers.
God is the same way. He sees all the dangerous things that we just can't see. A lot of times He has to take our hand and redirect us. Most times we don't like it. It makes us uncomfortable. It's not planned or organized. A lot of times we don't understand God's way of thinking. All the same thoughts the child has. But we can look at it and see it was for the better. God is thinking the same thing.
"Child, I got you. You are mine."
God has been tugging my heart in a different direction the last few weeks. He showed me that what others think don't matter. That's hard for me. I have always had all these expectations put on me from different family members causing me to always put others opinions before my own. God was trying to show me it was okay. I was okay.
But of course I went along my own way and ignored Him. I kept my well planned out future and went about my life. And again God came to me. He said there's something you're trying to do that you shouldn't be. At that point I was confused but also a tad guilty. I knew what God was getting at. But I didn't want to let that go. I needed my plans. I need my calendar. I needed something in my life that is stable.
You see not only am I quickly graduating, but there are sooo many more changes in my life from the last year. I started college and finished my last year of high school. I have started and led a missions team to Nicaragua. We leave in 2 weeks. I started dating an amazing man. I became an active member of the church my dad helped open. I led clubs at my school. I was always going and doing. Knowing my next step helped me stay grounded. I had a stable plan. I didn't have to look far into my future because it was already all worked out for me.
Everything God has been nudging did not line up with my plans. It's not what I wanted. I LOVE film editing. I love creating movies. I love the editing, the filming, that joy it comes with creating something completely of my own. I love it. But God says "Child, I got you. You are mine."
So I am not going to college. Yep, you read that right. Me. The one who always has it all figured out. I am not going to college. I don't know if I ever will. I hope too, but not this season in my life.
God has a way that completely baffles me but I completely trust Him. Completely. So although He hasn't shown me my next step, I know where my trust lies. As shown in Romans..."And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know that God has what's best for me in mind.
How can I worry?
So here I am, 4 days before I graduate and I have no earthly idea what my plan is. I know I am trusting in Him. It would be easy to continue in my thought-thru plans but it's not what He has for me. I am asking that all of you that read this take a minute to pray for me. Pray that I continue to listen to His voice. It's not the easiest, but it's where I want to be.
I am relieved. I am happy. I am home.
"Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone."
Look for my next post, "Earthly vs. Spiritual....is there a difference?", to see where my heart lies. It has to do with this post and you know, my heart and passions.
Thanks for reading,
Savannah
